I will admit that when the first Transformers film came out, I was pleasantly suprised.  While it was by no means a great film, it was at least enjoyable to watch and was entertaining.  Sure there was a lot of stupidity to it and you couldn’t really tell most of the robots apart, but it had cool special effects and pretty robot fight scenes and enough explosions to cement it’s place as a classic summer big budget action film.  I actually ended up liking it for the most part, especially when one considered how bad it could have turned out.

 

The first Transformers also made a bajillion dollars (actual amount, I checked) at the box office, so the fact that a sequel was made was an absolute no-brainer.  And as with all big summer blockbusters, the job of the sequel is to somehow take all of the action and adventure from the first film and find a way to make it even bigger.  Much like how most superhero films have one villain in the first film and two in the second, so too did Transformers have to deliver more of what people loved from the first film.  That means more robots, more fight scenes, bigger explosions, and a better story. 

 

After having seen the film, I would have to say that Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen delivers on three of those four criteria.  I guess that’s not too bad, right?  Let’s break it down:

 

1.) More Robots:  There are indeed a lot more Robots in Transformers 2 than there were in the first film.  In fact, there are a crapload more.  While some of these new robots are fan favorites like Soundwave, Ravage, Jetfire and Arcee, the vast majority of them are either nameless robots shown in the background whose sole purpose is to die.  However, there are also a handful of new robots that are brand new Transformers who are making their first appearance here.  These robots though are all thoroughly annoying and stupid characters that will make you want to punch Michael Bay in the face for having included them at all. 

 

The worst, by far, of these new robots are the Ghetto Twins.  I call them the Ghetto twins because they are two of the worst inner city African American stereotypes I have seen on the big screen in a long time.  They both speak in ebonics and one even has a gold tooth.  A ROBOT WITH A GOLD TOOTH!!!  My friend Brian referred to them after the film as “robot versions of the Wayans brothers” and I can’t really say that he’s wrong in that comparison.  Personally, I see them as the robot equivalents of two people doing a blackface routine.  It’s really bad.

 

Also, Transformers 2 still suffers from the same problem that plagued the first film so badly.  You can’t tell any of the damned robots apart.  Aside from the main players like Optimus and Bumblebee and Starscream, all of the other robots look the same.  It gets really annoying when the fight scenes start and you can’t tell who’s fighting who and who’s dying.  I swear I thought I saw Megatron get killed about three times before I realized that it was just some other random shmuck robot that happened to look exactly like Megatron.

 

2.) More Fight Scenes:  There’s more hot robot-on-robot action in this film than you can shake a piece of rusty metal at.  This was by far the strong point of the film.  ILM really outdid themselves here with the special effects.  The Transformers themselves looked absolutely gorgeous (when you could tell them apart) and when the big fight scenes got going, it was pretty much bonafide badass!  About halfway through the film there is that big fight in the woods that you see in all the trailers where Optimus Prime is fighting a group of Decepticons in a forest, and that fight scene is absolutely amazing.  The final battle is also pretty damned epic and is a joy to watch.  Now if only the parts of the film that had talking in it were as good.

 

3.) Bigger Explosions:  Absolutely.  We get to see more explosions than I can count in this film.  We seen an Aircraft Carrier get sunk, we get to see what feels like half of Cairo’s suburbs get decimated, we get to see a pyramid ripped apart.  The explosions were definitely bigger this time around.

 

4.) A Better Story:  Oh, if only this was true.  As awesome as all of the fight scenes and pretty explosions are in this film, they are made null and void due to the god awful giant steaming pile of poo that is the plot of Transformers 2.  Michael Bay is sort of infamous for being a hack action film director who wouldn’t know what a well written film was if you beat him with the script of one.  Transformers 2 is like the epitome of a Michael Bay film.  Almost every single scene in the film which involved a human character or even just had characters talking was torture to sit through. Most of the scenes that handled the plot development of the film had at least one mind-bending moment of stupidity in it.  The humor in the film is so low brow it can’t even be called potty humor, the characters and the acting are more robotic than the giant robots they are surrounded by, and there’s so many holes in the story that to say there’s plot holes is an inaccurate statement.  It would be more accurate to say that there’s one giant hole with occasional bits of plot strewn about it in a random fashion.

 

It amazes me that this film was written by the same two guys who wrote the Star Trek film.  While I admit that the plot of that film was by far it’s biggest weak point too, at least Star Trek had a story that sort of made sense and was able to be followed without having to completely turn my brain off for fear that it would be turned to jell-o if I left it on while watching it.  This isn’t really the case with Transformers 2.  At over 2 hours in length, the story here drags on interminably.  It takes forever to get things going, there’s some awesome fights at about the one hour mark, and then the film drags and drags and drags its way to the climax fight (which still isn’t as cool as the fight from an hour earlier).

 

On the plus side though, there were some cool plot points that were included from the original TV series which should make fanboys rather happy.  Energon as the Transformers power source is mentioned for the first time, and factors heavily into the story (although sadly not in cube form).  Also, the Matrix of Leadership plays a key role in the latter half of the film.  It was really nice to see these little touches and nods to the original source material.  It was almost enough to make me willing to put up with watching two dogs humping near the beginning of the film. 

 

Almost, but not quite.

 

In the end, I will say that I walked out of Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen having enjoyed the film far more than I had expected to.  I think this is mainly due though to the fact that I had lowered my expectations of the film so much that it would have been a rather large accomplishment to disappoint me.  I walked in expecting this thing to be the worst piece of crap that I have seen all year.  As it turns out, that honor still goes to X-Men Origins: Wolverine. 

 

Transformers 2 is a perfect summer action film.  It has wicked cool special effects, gigantic explosions, over-the-top action and vast sweeping shots from far off places all over the world.  It also has a a story and dialogue that feels like it was written by retarded monkeys, wooden acting and characters that I would pay good money to see killed just so they can’t return in the sequel.  The film is full of what I call “Bayisms” in which the audience is subjected to some of the stupidest, least common denominator levels of humor (an example of which includes a tiny transformer humping Megan Fox’s leg).

 

If you are looking for a pretty film to veg out to for two hours, this is the film for you.  If you want something that’s intelligent or at least has something resembling a decent narrative, avoid this film like the plague.

 
Final Score: C-

 

P.S.  Without trying to give away any major spoilers, let me just say that I’m really (and I mean REALLY) pissed off at the use of Devastator in the film.  Or should I say the lack of use of Devastator?  They could have done so much more with that character, and he was utterly wasted.  And then, when he gets taken out, he gets taken out like a pussy.  Fucking stupid!

 

P.P.S.  Oh, and as for The Fallen himself . . . total fucking wuss.  Megatron was still the main villain as far as I’m concerned.

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It was on June 23rd, 1989 when a rather unknown director by the name of Tim Burton released a film that would forever change the way comic book films are made.  He took one of DC’s icon characters, the Batman; a character that had been played as a campy adventurer for about 30 years at that point, and turned him into a film version of Frank Miller’s Dark Knight.

 

Gone were the blue and gray tights of old.  In it’s place was solid black leather.  This Batman didn’t crack jokes or drive around during broad daylight or hang out with a funny kid sidekick.  No, this Batman only worked at night, he was dark and tortured and he beat the living hell out of any criminals dumb enough to operate in his city.  This was Batman as he’s known now.  Sure, people today may be all up in arms about how awesome Batman Begins and the Dark Knight are, and they are (I’m not going to knock them here), but those films would never have ever been made if it wasn’t for Tim Burton making one of the best god damned comic book films of all time.

 

Honestly, I think that most (if not all) of the great comic book films that we’re enjoying today all owe a great deal to Burton and what he did with Batman.  He proved that a dark hero could work and could make a ton of money at the box office.  He proved that you can make an edgier, more adult themed hero and audiences would line up in droves to see it.  You didn’t have to make every comic book superhero into a kids film.  It’s a lesson Hollywood took to heart, and it wasn’t too long after this that we started to see more and more comic book getting turned into big hollywood blockbusters.

 

Yes, Heath Ledger’s version of the Joker is cooler and is closer to the comics version of the character than Jack Nicholson’s is, but you absolutely cannot say that Nicholson’s Joker isn’t a great villain in his own right.  He’s got so much style.  He’s more of an artistic version of evil than Ledger’s force of pure chaos.  And I’m sorry, but I’ll take Michael Keaton’s Batman voice over Christian Bale’s anyday.  As as far as cool Bat-Gadgets go, nothing (and I mean NOTHING) is cooler in my mind than the Batmobile from Tim Burton’s Batman.

 

 

Just look at that thing.  No Batmobile before or since has ever come close to looking even remotely as cool as that thing.  It’s got a fucking jet engine for god’s sake.  That there is pure beauty in automobile form.

 

The impact of Burton’s Batman film on my own life cannot be overstated.  This one film is solely responsible for my getting into Batman comics as well as DC comics in general.  Before this movie came out, I was a huge Marvel Comics fanboy.  All I read was Spider-man, Captain America, the X-men and stuff like that.  As far as the 11 year old Pat was concerned, DC comics was crap.  Then I saw Batman, and suddenly I couldn’t get enough DC comics.  I started with the Bat books, of course, but that eventually led me to Superman and the Justice League and many others.  If it wasn’t for this film, I may not have found the greatness of the DC universe until a much later time in my life, if I ever found it at all.

 

The 1989 Batman film is one of those important steps in my life that led me down the path to be the Geek that I am today.  While I may not care for Burton’s recent work, I can never and will never deny the fact that his career has had a powerful affect on my life.  Burton’s Batman film was also my introduction to the Director as well, and it is because of this film that I followed his career and was introduced to things like Beetlejuice and Edward Scissorhands and the Nightmare Before Christmas which helped to develop my sense of self as I was going through middle school and high school.  I’ll admit it, I basically became a goth for a while during high school due to Tim Burton and that other comic book film The Crow.  I’m not ashamed to admit it.

 

It’s hard to believe it was 20 years ago this week that young Pat was going to the theater with his brother to go see this amazing film.  It really was a lifetime ago, and it feels like it.  There’s not much else I can say here really other than . . . Thank you Tim Burton for making one of the greatest comic book films of all time. 

 

Oh, one more thing.  Tim Burton’s Batman also had the damned coolest soundtrack of any comic book film ever.  The entire thing was done by Prince, and it led to the most bizarre and insane and awesome music video ever . . . The Batdance.

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I love John Hodgman.  Aside from being the PC (and the only good thing) in the Mac vs PC ads, he’s a great writer and is the Resident Expert on The Daily Show.  He’s also a blogger and an all around funny guy.  And now . . . he’s a true geek hero.

 

Over the weekend, Mr. Hodgman spoke at the White House dinner for Radio & TV Correspondents and he did one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen.  None other than the President of the United States himself, Barack Obama was sitting a few feet away from him and he took him to task on his geek cred.  It’s been mentioned many times before on the interwebs by myself and many other people that Obama is our very first ever Nerd President and John Hodgman had the balls to quiz the President on exactly whether this belief is true or not.

 

What follows is one of the most amusing speeches I’ve ever seen.  This is almost as good as Stephen Colbert’s roasting of George Bush at the White House Press Correspondent’s dinner from a few years ago. 

 

Well done Mr. Hodgman.  Nerds everywhere salute you and your awesomeness.

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The brand spanking new episode of the Geek-tastic Podcast is online and is ready for your listening pleasure.

 

 

You can stream the podcast by clicking HERE.

 

OR

 

You can download an MP3 copy of the podcast by clicking HERE.

 

 

In this episode of the podcast, your host Patrick is joined by Matt, Ned and Johann as they take part in the Geek-tastic summer extravaganza.  They discuss their favorite summer films and games and also take a look at this summer’s upcoming summer films and discuss which ones they think are going to kick ass & which ones are going to suck.  There is also a brief review of Terminator: Salvation near the end of the show.

 

And now for some show notes:

 

Here are the films we discuss during the podcast:

• Batman
• Bruno
• Dark Knight
• District 9
• GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra
• Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
• Independence Day
• Inglorious Basterds
• Jaws
• Moon
• Mutant Chronicles
• Pandorum
• Pirates of the Caribbean
• Public Enemies
• Star Trek
• Star Trek 2009
• Star Wars
• Star Wars: Episode I
• Star Wars: Episode III
• The Sandlot
• Time Bandits
• Transformers

 

Here’s the games we mention:

 

• 221B Baker Street (I couldn’t find a video for it, sorry Johann)
• Assassin’s Creed 2
• Beach Spikers
• Beatles Rock Band
• Crazy Taxi
• Final Fantasy
• Goldeneye
• Grand Theft Auto
• Heavy Rain
• Left 4 Dead 2
• Legend of Zelda
• Mario for the Wii
• Street Fighter
• Super Mario Sunshine

 

And here, finally, is the trailer for the new Metroid game from Team Ninja (as promised):

 

 

 

 Here’s the link to ThinkGeek.com where you can buy a brand new Sega Dreamcast.

 

And for those of you who don’t remember, this is what Skeletor looked like in the live-action He-Man film.

 

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Yeah, this is so totally not a shocker.  It turns out Steve Rogers, the original Captain America, isn’t dead afterall.  Exactly how he survived being shot . . . in the throat . . . I have no idea.  I’m going to love hearing how they explain this one away though.  The guy was shot and bled to death in front of a group of people.  That’s sort of hard to fake. 

 

It’s not like it matters though.  No one ever stays dead in comics forever, so I can’t even say I’m annoyed at this.  We all knew when Cap was killed that it was all a big publicity stunt, and that he’d be back sooner or later to once again done the mask and shield.  And besides, who wants to read anything where Bucky is running around as Captain America anyways.  Hmmm, Bucky.  There’s another guy who didn’t stay dead.

 

I know I may sound bitter or something here, but I’m really not.  I like Captain America, and I’ll be glad to see the original Cap back in action.  I just would have liked to have seen Marvel play out his death for a little longer than 2 and a half years.  The longer a hero is gone, the more important their comeback is when it happens.  In comic time, 2 and a half years is nothing, so by bringing him back now, it’s like we haven’t even really had the right amount of time to miss him yet. 

 

Oh well, whatever.  At least Cap is coming back.  Now if only we can undo that stupid Spider-man: One More Day storyline.

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BREAKING NEWS:  Dead Lego people have risen and are devouring the plastic yellow flesh of the living.  It appears as though even the constantly happy and nice people from Lego Land are not immune to the plage of the walking dead that have so revently been walking our streets too.

 

Be sure to safely secure any Lego figures you own ASAP or you will run the risk of them catching the infection as well.  There has been no word yet as to whether the zombie virus can be passed from Lego person to Human or vice versa.  Just to be safe for now though, try to avoid all contact with questionable Lego figures until more information is known.

 

Consider yourselves warned.

 

(Via BoingBoing)

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The Good:  Transformers - The Complete First Season

 

Why It’s Good:  Just in time for Michael Bay’s new (and probably horrible) live-action film to hit movie theaters across America and suck beyond belief, the original and awesome animated Transformers series is being released on DVD.  As much as I’d like to be excited by this, I can’t help but feel that only buying the one season makes no sense when there’s this uber amazing complete series 25th Anniversary Box Set coming up around the corner.

 

Do me a favor Transformers fans.  Save your money for the big set.  You’ll thank me.  Trust me.

 

 

 

The Badass:  Spaceballs on Blu-ray

 

Why It’s Badass:  It’s the greatest Star Wars parody of all time.  It’s Rick Moranis at his best.  It’s Mel Brooks being amazing.  It stars the late, great John Candy.  It has Mega Maid.  It even has a Winnebago with wings. 

 

Spaceballs is one of the most quotable films I’ve ever seen.  Not a week goes by where someone I know doesn’t make at least one reference to this movie.  Whether it’s people calling for Ludacris speed, or saying “We ain’t found shit!” or one of a million other great lines from this film, it’s never long before some aspect of this film shows up in my daily life.  And this can’t be just me.  Spaceballs is one of those required films all geeks must know and love.  If you’re a fan of Star Wars, this is just sort of required watching.  And now it’s available in high definition glory. 

 

Let it be known though, your schwartz will never be as big as mine. 

 

 

The Awesome:  Friday The 13th (Extended Killer Cut)

 

Why It’s Awesome:  The Friday the 13th remake is a pitch perfect example of how a remake should be done.  It was done with obviously loving care from a filmmaker who adored the original source material, but at the same time it effectively brought the franchise into the 21st century.  It managed to walk that thin line between being true to the originals while at the same time adding enough new stuff to make it both engaging and entertaining to the young audiences of today.  It served as a jumping on point for a new audience of fans yet still gave enough nods to the original to make old-school fans happy.

 

Plus, it’s a film about Jason Vorhees killing a bunch of horny teenagers.  When is that ever NOT an amazing time?  All of the required elements were there.  Big dude in a hockey mask?  Check.  Horny teenagers out for a weekend of drinking and doing drugs?  Check.  Machete?  Check.  Creepy cabin altar to the big guy’s dead mother?  Check.  Lots of gratuitis nude scenes?  Check.  Annoying frat boy douchebags being killed in creative and original ways?  Check.

 

Seriously, what more could you ask for in a horror film.

 

Plus, this new extended cut of the film comes with nine minutes of new scenes added to the film.  And if the product description from Amazon is to be believed, almost all of those nine new minutes contain either more sex or more blood and gore than the original cut of the film had.  How could more sex or blood possibly be a bad thing in a horror film?

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Don’t you just hate it when the real world gets in the way of doing the things you love most?  That’s what’s been going on with me lately.  I apologize for the lack of posts here at the site this week.  Two major events have contributed to my being unable to update the site as frequently as I would like two.  One, thankfully, is a temporary situation.  The other, sadly, will be something we’re going to have to put up with for a while.

 

Let’s deal with the bigger one first.  As I’ve mentioned before here, I am not quite fortunate enough to have somehow found a way to get someone to pay me for my massive nerd-blogging skills.  As such, I have a regular 8 to 5 office job that I attend every Monday through Friday.  Previously, I have been able to find some time here and there between doing my work to post a small item here and there.  Last week though, the IT people at my job finally caught on to what I was doing and have banned Geek-tastic from my workplace computer.  This pretty much negates any and all contact I can have with the site throughout the day.  From now on, I am only able to update the site in the evenings on those few evenings a week when I’m actually home.  As a result of this, my postings here at the site will most likely become less frequent than they were before and I cannot guarantee that I will have something new to post every day.

 

I will do my best to post when I can, and will try to have at least an average of two posts a day or so, but that may not alway be the case.  Due to this decrease, I shall do my best to make sure that the few posts I do make are of higher quality for you, my awesome readers.

 

The other thing that’s going on is that I am in the process of moving to a new apartment.  The actual move itself will be at the end of next week, and there may be a couple of days period where my internet is screwy as I set stuff up at my new place and get everything unpacked.  So expect the postings to be especially light late next week and the early part of the first week of July.  After that, hopefully, things will return to normal.

 

Again, I’m very sorry that I won’t be able to post as often going forward as I have been doing for the  last year.  I feel really bad about that.  I love posting stuff to this site for you to read.  I just need to find a way to get paid to do this.  If you by any chance happen to be an editor for a newspaper that is looking for it’s very own nerd blog, or work for a radio station looking for a good nerd show, drop me a line.  I’d love to talk to you.

 

- Patrick

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Are you kidding me right now? I think I just vomited a little bit in my mouth!


The Los Angeles Times decided to do all of us females a favor and put together a nice little slide show to let us know exactly what us girls, who are of course only going to San Diego Comic-Con International for the uber hot guys, would like to see.

You can find it here Girls’ Guide to Comic Con if you are so inclined.

Now I full on understand that good amount of females nowadays who go to Comic-Con will only be going to see things like the hot guys from this show or the hot guys from that movie (or hot girls if you are into that). Or god forbid anything Twilight oriented. And don’t get me wrong…I like the hot guys as much as the next person, but how about putting together something a little more…I don’t know….comic booky or even remotely oriented to a geek-girl audience!


This is the type of piece that makes big assumptions as to why girls attend Comic-Con in the first place. This will be my 16th year attending the convention and believe me even 16 years ago SDCC was a vastly different place than it is now. It wasn’t quite the media blitz it has become. And while I do attend a few panels that include stars and creators from some of my favorite shows, and I also look foward to seeing people like my favorite fantasy writers and artists, the real reason I started attending was for the comic books and the comic book artists.


So, my point is that if you are going to put together a “Girls’ Guide to Comic-Con”, why don’t you make it about things that maybe said “girls” won’t be so quick to discover on their own instead of the “23 things that will already be thrown in their faces”. Make it about the comic books, make it about the indie artists, or the newest and hottest anime that they will be able to discover. Because obviously Comic-Con doesn’t have a problem selling out anymore and I don’t know about everyone else, but I tend to see just as many girls as guys on the floor and in the panels every year.


But, then again, I guess I shouldn’t expect too much since this is the LA Times we are talking about. The same paper that I am sure gets most of their advertising revenue from the shows and movies that they are currently promoting in their little slide show.

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Vulcan Death Grip

 

Recipe:

• 1 oz Sailor Jerry Rum
• 1 oz Galliano

 

Sailor Jerry just so happens to be one of my favorite rum drinks ever, so you can imagine my happiness when I saw it as the main ingredient of a shot called the Vulcan Death Grip.  I was so happy that I was even completely willing to overlook the fact that Vulcan’s don’t actually have a “death grip”.  They have a nerve pinch.

 

Spock doesn’t kill people when he pinches their necks.  He knocks them out for a short while instead.  Why this is named the Death Grip then makes no sense to me.  The choice of name is completely illogical.  Of course, I’m sure that won’t really matter in the long run.  Afterall, If you have enough of these in one night, I’m sure you’re bound to start acting rather illogical too.

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